In the July newsletter, I shared about changes I was noticing in my quilting since the loss of my dear father-in-law. This is a sampling of the responses that I received on this topic. This page is quite long and emotionally intense at times, but it speaks volumes about the beauty, strength and fortitude of women as we face these times of sorrow.
Quilting through Grief
My brother has been battling cancer for almost 2 years now and I'm sorry to say is losing the battle. We are VERY close although we live 1,400 miles away from each other. For the first 6 months after he was diagnosed I couldn't quilt. I just couldn't concentrate. Each new setback affects my quilting. I have lost my joy of a lot of things. Thanks for letting me vent.
My mother passed away June 28, 2005....she would have turned 67 the following November.....prior to her death, she spent lots of time in the hospital from Feb to June for chemo treatments. My sister and I took turns staying with her at the hospital, and during one of those times, while reading a couple of quilting magazines I'd taken with me, I told my mama..."I think I'll make you a quilt....what pattern would you like?" After looking at some of the patterns in the magazine, she decided she liked the "Sunbonnet Sue" block. So, I went to my local quilt shop and bought Feedsack Reproduction fabric for Sue's wardrobe. (Mama had been telling me about the feedsack dresses she had as a child). I took my templates and everything with me to the hospital each time....and I let mama pick out which fabric for the dress, matching apron, bonnet, etc. I managed to finish 6 blocks prior her unexpectedly passing away due to complications from the chemo (ironically, the treatments had worked and her cancer was gone). I even had my sewing bag with me at the hospital the day we took her to the hospital and she passed away about 3 hours later. I've only had the blocks out once since then...and that was during a grief support group meeting. Even though it's been just over a year....it's as real and fresh as if it had just happened. I want to finish the blocks and put them into a quilt...I just haven't been able to do it yet. My plan is to use the blocks and add in some blocks (using Printed Treasures) with photos of my mama....and make it into a memory quilt for my mama.
Although I continued to attend my weekly quilt group meetings, there was a long span of time before I could actually begin or work on a quilt project. Like your story with crocheting...I also did some crochet...because prior to mama passing away, she had started a baby afghan for her newest great-grandchild that was due that November. Being as sick as she was, she wasn't able to complete a great deal on the afghan, so I worked on it and finished it myself. I attached a label to the afghan that said "made with love by Nanny". I presented the afghan to my niece during her baby shower....nobody but me, my husband, and my sister-in-law knew that mama had started the afghan, or that I was completing it for her. Working on the afghan gave me a connection to my mama that I really needed at that time.
The grieving process takes a different amount of time for different people......I'm still working through my grief....our grief counselor told us to take all the time we needed, to honor our feelings...if we felt like crying, then we should allow ourselves to do just that. I know your grief for your father-in-law is still very new....and I won't kid you and tell you that time will make it easier...it's like someone told me...with time it gets better, but it's never easier.
I just had to write when you asked for stories about quilting when we're grieving. When the awful events of September 11 happened, I was numb for a very long time. I didn't know anyone personally that died, but my heart ached for all the families! I finally realized that I had to do something to not only lift myself up, but to do something that would comfort someone else someday. I had a BOM (block of the month) quilt kit that I had purchased and had never started. The quilt features pieced stars in different traditional patterns. And the best part, there are also appliquéd angels on the quilt. I started making that quilt and praying as I sewed, keeping the dead and their families in mind. When I was finishing up one of the angels, the pattern called for her to hold a wand in her hand. Instead, I found an American flag print and appliquéd a flag in her hand! Making the quilt top comforted me in a way I didn't think possible. Unfortunately, the quilt is not finished to give anyone yet. I have started the quilting and I know that one of these days, I will be guided to give it to just the right person or family. I know that I've been blessed with the talent to make quilts that can comfort and I thank God for that every time I walk into my sewing studio. Piece to all the quilters out there! Christine Wiseman, North Aurora, Ilinois
Oh yes, I can say that my quilting has been affected by grief. A couple of years ago, I found out that my husband was straying. I was shattered. Spent a fair amount of time just crying, my brain completely stalled. I was almost unable to function. A few days of that and I was so stressed, I had to do SOMETHING.
Decided to go to my sewing room and see what would happen. I found myself digging through my fabrics, pulling out the darkest ones I had, and yet there was one slightly lighter blue that stayed in the chosen pile. I cut a strip of each, sewed together, then cut them into strips in another direction, and back together again. It all ended up crooked, but that was right. I layered and hand quilted and bound it. The whole process took only a couple of days. It wasn't thought out ahead of time, just happening as the fabric came to my hands.
Crooked and dark and warped as it is, the little quilt seemed to take hold of those awful feelings for me. The little bit of the lighter blue seemed hopeful. I don't know how some bits of fabric helped me feel better, but they did. After I'd finished it, I hung it on my sewing room door, where it stayed for most of a year. Even though it symbolizes a very dark time for me, it made me feel better. Even seeing it each day doesn't make me feel sad. It still hangs in my sewing room.
After my mother died 4 years ago I found myself madly piecing and quilting. I also started a wall hanging in memory of my Mom which I haven't finished yet (and who knows, I may never). Think what happened with me was the realization with Mom's death that I didn't have endless years ahead of me to do all the quilting that I wanted to do and if I was going to fulfill my day dreams I better get off of my duff and just do it! The whole process helped me get past those first months of mourning (when I cried everyday) and go on with living. Every death of a loved one in my life has made me appreciate those that are still here even more. Ginny St. John at Mammoth Cave, Kentucky
When I read the topic I immediately thought of my son, Tom's quilt and how I felt when he told me he was going to Iraq. That was in 1990, the first Iraq war, Desert Storm. He was only 19 at the time and a National Guardsman. It was a long year and I cried a lot thinking how this experience might change him, my baby. And so I started a quilt. It is made of patriotic fabric blocks with yellow ribbon blocks in the corners mixed with camouflage fabric blocks as well. The top was for my son. The back, however, was my therapy. It is made with bandanna handkerchiefs made for the troops, with a red, white and blue sashing of a misprinted and stained red stripe that speaks of the waste of young lives in this terrible war. It now hangs on his condo wall.
It was a labor of love and pride and fear and helped me get through that time of worry. He was called up again 2 years ago to go to Afghanistan for a year. Again I made a quilt. This time a small one. I remembered, as a child, the small flag that hung in my grandfather's window with three blue stars for his 3 sons in the service. Only 2 returned. And so I made a single blue star quilt and hung it in our window for the year he was gone. He returned safely. Having something like a quilt to plan and work on helped to focus on why he was there and count the prayers with every stitch. Marilou Ficarra, Foster City, California
On the topic this month, we have had several deaths in our family in the last two years along with personal stress. I have found that my quilting projects are the one thing that has helped me keep my sanity even if I have only been able to work on them occasionally. I have finished a number of small projects and have several large projects going on now.
The one thing I have noticed is that I have been using a lot of black in my projects during this time. I am still using bright colors but have added black, a color I had never used. For instance I have a small wall hanging in progress that is a black rose on red background. Everyone that saw me working on it said "It should be the other way around” but after seeing it they agree that it is turning out to be a neat piece. Hopefully as the stresses in my life diminish I will move on to other colors. Robin in North Carolina
I think quilting can help a person get through a time of sorrow. My 17 year old nephew committed suicide in November of 2004. Josh was my husband’s brother’s youngest child, and my daughter was very close to him. I found myself wanting to make a quilt for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law to sort of wrap them in love. I made a lap quilt (about 50” x 70”) and quilted family names, words, and quotes about families in the borders. I wanted them to feel like they were being hugged by their children, grandchildren and parents. As I made the quilt I spent time thinking about Josh and my family. The other day we were together to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 85th birthday and my brother-in-law told me that he uses the quilt almost every day. I believe it comforts him. I know it helped me to make it for them. Marcia Middents, Tempe, Arizona
I had always liked machine patchwork (as I like things done yesterday!), but when my son was going through a breakup of his marriage I made a whole quilt by hand. I had seen the quilt when someone was selling raffle tickets and she very kindly sent me templates cut from old cereal packets so I enjoyed sitting every night with TV sewing squares by hand-56 of them . I did machine the borders on but hand quilted it. It was kind of soothing and I felt in control of this at least. I felt like I sewed all my misery into that quilt sitting with the cat on my knee. The quilt is pretty in shades of pink!!
When my husband was diagnosed with cancer (fortunately after 5 years he's ok), I reverted to sewing hexagons into a small flower quilt and also crocheting as I could do that, as you say in waiting rooms, etc. Handwork is great therapy and I am sorry for people who haven't tried it yet. Best wishes from England, Mary
3 years ago, my daughter's best friend lost her battle with leukemia (AML) at the age of 13. We were devastated; the only thing to grasp hold of was that she was a Christian and now in heaven. I still tear up, because 13 year olds are not supposed to die. I made a quilt in memory of her: A frog (she loved frogs) going to the light from a bunch of other tadpoles, on a background of half square triangles. It helped, but I don't know why. (My degree is chemistry, not psychology. Did any psychologists answer?) Somehow, it made it into the UFO pile and doesn't want to leave -- I think I don't want to make more 1 1/2 inch half square triangles. Or maybe I don't want to think about it at all if I don't have to. (Where is that psychologist?!) Thanks for letting me share….Marion Dowell
My son is in Afghanistan, so I worry…Thank you, God, for worry and not grief. I hear horrible news and I worry. He is precious and emails fairly often so that puts my heart at ease, but there are stretches when we don't hear and we worry. I quilt….Some nights until two or three in the morning….Some mornings, from the time I get up until after lunch. I am using the triangular pieces you cut off of the points in half square triangles from stars or those connector corners. I have made a zinger, pieced out of 1 and 1/4 inch half square triangles that I am using on a quilt that has stars in it…I am loving it…I put the time in and become calm. Go figure! Liz
I lost my best friend to ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) recently - Julie was diagnosed two years ago, and in that time I finished off her quilt projects so that her sons and her parents had quilts to remember her by.
I also made her a quilt that had fairies as its theme and all kinds of wonderful sayings about how special friends are - she kept it on her bed constantly. Her mother has just returned it to me - and I have to say that I had to put it away because I just couldn't bear to look at it - not yet anyway. I also have the first quilt that she ever made proudly hanging on my quilt rack.
She died four weeks ago - very peacefully in her sleep, and since then I have found it difficult to focus on my quilting too - I too have taken to hand piecing, and have returned to making a scrap quilt from the tumbler quilt pattern - no bright fabrics here either! I started it about 6 years ago - so Julie would laugh to know that I am finally getting on with it.
While I am stitching my mind is busy thinking things through, processing memories, and dealing with my feelings - it has been very therapeutic - and I can pick it up and put it down whenever I want - when you are grieving you find your attention span is not quite what it was - so something simple and portable is really key. This may also be a reason why crochet is appealing to you right now, too. Solitaire
Quilting helped me get through the hard times when my husband died of an unexpected heart attack at age 45. I went into quilting and nine years later I haven't come out! I met a friend who wanted to learn to quilt just when I needed the distraction and we sewed and talked quilting for a year. I decided right away to make a photo transfer memory quilt. I was overseas in South Africa and this was in 1998 - well before the ease of in home ink jet printers. I asked my family and friends for photos and went through my own collection. All of us thought that was a bittersweet process making us recall good times and how much we missed my husband.
After I got the photos transferred to fabric I had them on the design wall and my friend asked me about the story behind each photo. I kept the blocks on the wall for about six months and my friend would come over and we would talk about my husband and she would tease me about layout and how I moved the photos around every day.
That quilt turned out to be nearly a queen size quilt, but it is my very favorite quilt. Finding someone to talk about the person who has died is hard - none of my other friends could handle that. Usually it is just family that will recall memories. But remembering my husband was what I wanted to do most. Betty Jenkins
I had only been quilting about five years when my own dad passed away back in 1997. His death was totally unexpected and I was devastated. The thing that bothered me most was the fact that dad was not a Christian, so I spent many a day pondering his fate and wondering if I'll ever see him in heaven.
Since I'd never had any sewing experience prior to quilt making, my first dozen or so quilts were simply made from 6" charms cut from scraps of fabric. One of those early quilts had been a Christmas gift for dad, and I had forgotten all about it...that is, until my brother, sister and I traveled north to clean out dad's apartment after his death. There, folded neatly and laying over the back of his sofa, was the quilt I'd made for him. The thing was only a few years old but it was so tattered, faded and had obviously been "loved" very much by dad. Seeing that quilt there where dad had last used it filled me with such a sense of peace like I hadn't felt in awhile. I picked it up and held it close, and I could still smell the aftershave on it that he always wore.
I still don't know whether I'll see dad in heaven or not--that is only for our Lord to judge and decide. But that whole experience had caused me to enjoy quilting even more, and to cherish the brief time spent here with family and friends. Since dad's death I've made many, many more quilts and given most of them away as gifts. (And yes, I've learned a few new techniques so my quilts are now more decorative than just random 6" squares of fabric. I love to watch people's faces as they open a gift and find a homemade quilt inside!
Quilting is many things to me: my favorite hobby, a way to relax, a path to explore my creative side, etc. But mostly, it provides me an opportunity to spend some time alone, to think and reflect on all the good things in life, and to remember those who've gone before me.
Thanks for letting me share my story.
Julie Higginson
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/QuiltersWhoHomeschoolToo/
This past Thanksgiving Day, 2005, after some nighttime visits to the bathroom and several days of stomach aches and fatigue, my youngest child, Callie (age 6 ½ at the time) was admitted to the our local hospital and diagnosed with type 1 diabetes with an admitting blood glucose level of 991 (normal is less than 100). It didn’t seem real. I hoped that when we came home from the hospital everything would just carry on as before. But we spent the next 3 days and nights learning all we could about taking care of a child with type 1 diabetes.
For those of you who do not know, Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease in which the body destroys insulin-producing beta cells in the pancreas. Insulin is required by the body to use glucose, the simple sugar that most foods are broken down into by our digestive system. Without insulin, the body starves to death. It's important to note that everyone is insulin-dependent. People without diabetes make insulin in their pancreas. People with Type 1 diabetes must inject insulin. So this means that Callie is insulin-dependent from an external source for the rest of her life.
Shortly after we returned home, I began browsing the internet for additional information on raising a child with diabetes. I found this wonderful website called Children with Diabetes. And I found that they had a project called Quilt for Life http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/activities/quilt/. The project already had over 400 quilt panels, each 3 ft by 3 ft, each crafted with love, loss, sadness and joy. Each quilt tells a story of pain and heartbreak, passion and perseverance. On June 8, 2006. the quilts would be taken to The Mall in Washington D.C. for public display. I decided that I would make a quilt honoring Callie in time to be displayed in Washington D.C.
I had never made a quilt of my own design but didn’t think it would be too hard. I began looking through books and planning the quilt. After many revisions, I began putting the panel together. Never did I think that this project would be such an emotional journey for me. As I pieced the quilt honoring Callie and the wonderful life that she has, the wonderful person that she is, despite this awful disease, I cried and cried. I guess I had never taken time to grieve. I felt sad at the knowledge that no matter how hard we work to control her condition, she is at increased risk of later developing heart disease, kidney disease, blindness and other life-threatening illnesses. I cried as I gazed at the photos that I had decided to include in the quilt- of her birth, the day of diagnosis, and a recent day on the beach. I was running quickly out of time to finish the quilt and the last week of construction was particularly taxing on me. When it was complete, not only was I proud of the quilt that I had created, I realized more and more that I have a wonderful child that I am so proud of- a child who has embraced her condition with such responsibility, with such grace and charm, a child who continues to thrive and grow beautifully.
The quilt is now the property of Children with Diabetes’ Quilt for Life Display. It was very sad to let it go but I know that we will see it again someday in person and I will reflect on how much this small quilt panel helped me to heal and to celebrate Callie’s life.
Lisa
Check out our quilt at
http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/activities/quilt/pages/7/q507.htm
My experience was more about my breast cancer journey last year…but that did include a period of mourning (losing a body part, in this case... along with the whole 'am I going to die?' issue).
Anyway, the first thing I noticed was that I quit quilting altogether for a while... and (to relate to your topic of the month) went back to knitting….Much easier to take to all those doctor visits and hours in a chemo chair. (A particularly fun and mindless project is http://www.dailyguideposts.com/giveaways/ClassicT-Top.pdf--through Guideposts magazine - hundreds of thousands of kid size sweaters going to kids all over the world... but that's a different story!).
Once the initial shock/adjustment wore off, I did decide to make a Chemo Quilt - to document this particular journey. It was very therapeutic - and involved friends and family and even my oncologist's input. It was a three panel quilt (weird size - about 26" high and 83" long - a perfect fit for over my bed's headboard) - each panel representing a different chemo drug - but with a positive spin. For instance the first was for Adriamycin - a bright kool-aid red liquid that is better known as the Red Devil - it's pretty violent to your system. Many quilter friends sent vibrant reds and purples that I made into a wild Storm at Sea pattern - but renamed it Stormy Red Sea - and focused on the miracles God did when parting the Red Sea and washing away the enemy cells. The second drug was Taxol, made from the Pacific Yew Tree. I found a neat tessellating leaf pattern which I did in greens and creams, and named that panel the Taxol Tree of Life, creating new healthy cells to replace the departed enemy ones. The last panel is a rough appliqué of a bird in a small tree, with roots extending into mustard colored dirt -- some creative license was taken with this one… Cytoxan is made from the family of mustard gases. I opted instead for the Mustard Seed of Faith, and bringing life back to the garden.
Whew -- I know this is more than you bargained for... but in the long run, this quilt has done wonders for me and many others going through a similar journey. It has visited hospitals and churches and support groups as I share my story with others. Once my treatment was over and my hair was back and my first set of post treatment scans were clear, I finally finished this quilt -- and then did three more big projects in three months, making up for lost time!
So yes, a time of mourning did impact my quilting -- but by the grace of God, I'm pretty much back to doing the stuff I love to do, and grateful for the journey.
Blessings to you as you heal and allow time and God to restore your joy... remembering or focusing on the positive memories can be a healing balm. Nancy Eckel, Cleves, Ohio
You picked an interesting topic this month. I have noticed that many women say that quilting helps them get through their troubled times...the moment a crisis hits, they're getting out the fabric and creating something new. A good example of this is how many new and beautiful quilts were created immediately after 9/11. I am amazed at how that crisis brought out the creativity in so many women. Others simply get out their current projects and that seems to give them something to focus on in their grief.
I have to tell you, though, that I have not found that to be the case for me. My first experience with grief was when my younger brother died suddenly and unexpectedly. I wasn't a quilter at that point in my life but I did love music...all kinds. Hymns, contemporary Christian music, oldies, country, classical...and I loved to sing (only to myself, though!) When my brother died, I found I could no longer sing or listen to music; that which I loved to do so much, seemed to make me hurt more. Since becoming a quilter, I have found that in times of crisis or grief I can't quilt. My mind can't seem to focus on any aspect of quilting whether pulling fabric, cutting, piecing, or quilting.
It made me wonder if there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't use the creative things I love to help me through the hard things in life. But I've come to think that we all handle grief in different ways. Maybe there are others out there that are like me. (I hope so...I would hate to learn there really is something wrong with me!)
The song in my heart did come back, eventually, and I go back to my quilting eventually, too. I don't want to leave you with the impression that during the hard things, I'm floundering around in my grief. The ONE thing I am able to continue doing when I'm hurting is to PRAY to God, creator of heaven and earth and me, and to read His Word. So I always come out the other side, A-okay!
Juanita in Wisconsin
I got by just fine when I lost my dad, but only because my mom needed so much help to exist comfortably and she needed lots of me -- an only child. When my mom died about 5 years later, my life changed. Besides feeling like an "orphan," I suddenly had time to think about what I'd lost in both parents. I had been up and put such a good face on it for so long that I finally had time to reflect and didn't know how. I wrote and that helped, but a good friend said, "Quilt for sanity!" and I did. I made a small quilt to wrap the box my mom's ashes were in before they were buried because she was always cold. I noticed that the quilt was very different than others I'd been making, much more traditional and older looking. I have since had several changes -- I'm no longer a "blue quilt person" totally; I like the older patterns and I choose more traditional fabrics and scrappier stuff that my mom preferred.
As I dealt with the loss of my mom and dad, I have become more reflective all over and so have the quilts that I prefer. They are quilts that have long ago established themselves as the standards of the craft. Perhaps the artsy quilts may come back, but for now . . . Lynn Moss
Fortunately my story has a happy ending. When my father went into the hospital for colon cancer surgery, my sister and I packed up her car and headed home to Mom and Dads for the week. I took several quilting projects, my sister took nothing to keep her hands busy. I had a brightly appliquéd 4 block wall hanging which I was hand quilting in a very easy grid pattern. I took this every day to the hospital, it not only keep my mind focused, but it cheered all the other patients in the room to see something bright and cheery. It also allowed me to sit and "visit" even when my father was sleeping. When back at Mom and Dads, my sister was like a flea on a hot stove! I finally made her start piecing some blocks that I was putting together for a sampler. When I saw her beautiful stitching, I told her she should take up quilting. Her reply was "no, because I might love it". I laughed at her reply, but I kept her busy for several afternoons, taking her mind off the pending lab results about our father. After we got the great news that he was going to be fine, no chemo, no radiation, and no spreading of the cancer, we headed home. Shortly after that, my sister took up knitting, now you can't keep the needles out of her hands! This was two years ago and she is now getting "My Sister's Sampler" the quilt I was working on that summer that she helped stitch, I have finally got it quilted and the binding on, it just needs it's label and it will be sent off to her!
Sharon in Oregon
http://www.grassrootsquiltstudio.com/
My first direct hit in dealing with grief, mourning, and quilting was when my 15 year old nephew Bryan died in 1997. He had a damaged left ventricle from a virus (Coxsackie B) he contracted as an infant. By all medical accounts, he should have died then in infancy, but we were blessed to have him with us for 15 years before his heart gave out. I had been quilting for several years. Some of the quilts I had made were blue jean quilts for Bryan, his older brother Nick, and younger sister Heather. Made of course from their discarded blue jeans! So, I offered my brother and sister-in-law the option of making quilts from his clothes. It took them 4 years before they were able to relinquish his clothes to me. First, I made two t-shirt quilts for them from his sports t-shirts. Of course leftover t-shirts became pillows for them or for gifts for friends. Then, I made a quilt from a pattern I found in a quilting magazine called Northwest Passage. The pattern jumped out and me and said "this is the one." I renamed it Bryan's Passage in honor of his transition from one world to another. My brother Lynn hunts and fishes, and we're originally from the rural Catskill Mountains, so the pattern was a natural. I used Bryan's shirts for the interior of the quilt. A wonderful story about dragonflies, and how they make their metamorphosis from the water world to the sky world, brought much comfort to my family after his loss. So the dragonflies seemed the perfect addition for the border.
But, I haven't answered your original question(s)! My mourning/grieving didn't change how I worked on other projects, at least not that I recollect or noticed. Everyone grieves differently and in their own time frame. I respected that and worked on the quilts when everyone involved was comfortable. Sometimes months. Sometimes years. Even when I thought I was comfortable, I sometimes was surprised to find strong emotion bubble up. Years after Bryan's death, when I chose the shirts for Heather's stuffed animal I walked into my family room to see them in the sunlight and found myself just bursting into tears. I recognized that I grieve by exhaling slowly, over time.
Quilting is SO therapeutic in the healing process. I think the most important thing to recognize is that we need to respect our own inner feelings to grief and loss and respond to them in a way that fosters our healing, and the healing of others who are grieving. Linda Armour
When hard times occur, like sudden surgery or accidents, I want to start something new. I haven't noticed a big change in colors. Starting a new project always makes me feel better. It pulls me away from the hard times I'm dealing with. When the kids were in the hospital for 8+ days, I took a new hand-sewing or crocheting project. Of course, sometimes I couldn't do anything bit sit and stare, not wanting to do anything. The color didn't matter, but the simplicity of the project did. Now that I think about it, I tend to work on simple projects that I didn't need to think a lot about how to do.
When death has occurred, I have found comfort in returning to a current project. The familiar work brings comfort. Since it is a project that has already been started, it's not as hard to get going on it.
This is an interesting and probing subject. I didn't realize that I had a "pattern" in the way I did crafts during the time of death and tragic moments in my life. Nancy from Idaho
In August 2000, my youngest daughter, 18, died of malignant metastatic melanoma, that's skin cancer of the worst sort. She had married her sweetheart July 2nd and I was working on 2 quilts for her. One was a prayer quilt for taking to chemo or radiation or Dr. visits with prayers and encouraging words from friends, family and some of her nurses and doctors at St. Jude's in Memphis. The other was an appliqué quilt for her and Jesse with Robin Pandolph's wedding quilt patterns. On Aug 18th, she was admitted to the hospital. We were unable to wake her for more than a few minutes at a time. The brain tumors were crowding out her brain. She died Aug. 24th. I had worked on both quilts at the hospital and at home in odd moments while caring for her. Due to the help of my guild friends, helping zigzag down the hearts on the quilt, and a lovely machine quilting friend, Carol Yeazle in Lincoln, IL, who quilted it for free…the prayer quilt was finished. My hand appliqué quilt came to an abrupt halt….Too many memories of picking colors with Kara, and sewing and talking in her room. The impetus to finish them had vanished. I found the blocks in their plastic bag this summer and still hope to complete the last block and maybe one more to bring it up to 9 blocks. It still might get done! I'd still like to make a quilt for Jesse, but he doesn't need an appliqué one. Something flannel, I think.
I also found that I was choosing darker shades and more of a reproduction look to my quilts for about a year or two. I seem to be back at my usual bright and clear color scheme now! Other deaths in my family haven't seemed to affect my quilting as my daughter's death did. Your child's death is somehow more traumatic.
I read your newsletter this morning and wanted to share with you how my quilting was affected in a positive way after my grandmother passed away 3 years ago. I'm a young quilter, 33 years old to be exact and my dear grandma taught me to hand piece and quilt when I was 11 years old. Grandma was a quilter for many years and made numerous quilts during her lifetime. She always had a project to work on and a huge "stash" of recycled fabrics. I can remember sitting at the quilting frame that was in the old living room propped up on chairs and watching her magic fingers fly with needle in hand around that quilt!
I have many quilts of hers that I hold dear to my heart. When grandma passed on I felt like a hole had been left in my heart, my mentor and inspiration was gone and it was difficult to even look at some of the fabrics she had given me in the past to use. A few months after she passed, my dearest aunt sent me a box of scraps that the family had decided to give me. That box meant the world to me, for inside there were fabrics I can remember fondly from my childhood. Pieces of scraps from her dresses, scraps from my clothing and some of my cousins, fabrics from quilts we worked on together when I was able to visit and pieces of old feedsacks that she had used in the "olden" days to back her quilts. That box gave me the inspiration and "kick" I needed to go on. I found myself more interested in traditional style quilts and patterns. I found myself more intrigued to learn about older textiles and to learn more about our quilting history. I moved on and now am proud to say that every year when we gather for our family reunion, my aunt and I work on some of my grandma's UFO's. The current project for this year's reunion is grandma's 1 1/2" hexagon grandma's flower garden quilt. This was the last quilt she was piecing on before her vision started to go. This quilt is so special to us. You can tell throughout the progression of the quilt top that her vision was slowly deteriorating and that makes it all the more special! We have decided to each bring a few special pieces of fabric to add to her quilt so that we are all bound together in the stitches so to speak!
Today, my mother is battling 4th stage breast cancer. We have known for a little over a year, it's only a matter of time for Mom. This again has brought great stress into my life. Through my quilting I'm able to vent some of my frustration at this terrible disease and all it's done to people around the world. This past year I started Comforts For The Cure. We are a non profit company that makes quilts to give to breast cancer patients and survivors. Making quilts to give to others gives me great comfort and peace while my own Mom is struggling.
Tara Lynn
www.sewuniquecreations.com
www.comfortsforthecure.com
Your questions having to do with the relationship between our "feeling" lives and quilting always get me thinking. My sister died many years ago, before I became a serious quilt-maker, but even then I realized the therapeutic value of sewing on a sewing machine. After getting my children off to school I would go to the sewing area in the basement and sew-and-weep for a couple hours. For the life of me I can't remember what I sewed -- but the rhythmic mechanical action helped release feelings which otherwise would have smoldered into an ulcer or something.
Over the years I've done the same thing when my dear dogs have gone to doggy heaven -- but now I'm machine quilting a real quilt at 90 mph. It still helps!
The prayer shawl project is a wonderful one -- my church is involved. (Mine are knitted because I can't crochet!) Lu Doxey
I thought I had to tell you about my story. Last January I lost my grandson Tommie in a car accident while on his way to school. I am doing Tommie's photo memory quilt, which is helping me not to grieve so much and I can look at the wonderful memories that his grandfather and I have to cherish. When the quilt is finished I'm giving it to his mother and father as a way to help them. It's my own design with a Baseball theme with Snowballs and Ohio Stars with St Louis Cardinals fabrics mixed in. Tommie played for the Munford Cougars in Millington, Tenn., so I used his school colors for the project. Cindie Crull
In June 2002, my husband and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. With friends and family, we threw a party that we are still remembering and talking about! My husband gave me a Bernina 180 embroidery and sewing machine, which I greatly enjoy. Eight months later, Harry ( my husband) died in an airplane accident. My whole life changed in a few hours!
Somehow I was not able to get back to quilting. I tried to start projects, but had no desire to finish them. I forced myself to make quilts for my grandchildren as they went to college.( their college colors). Finishing a few unfinished quilts, I gave them to organizations to raffle for fund raisers. It was time to share my "bed-full" of quilts. I like to work with traditional designs and warm colors. I hope my old desire to be creative and try something new will reappear in my life.
I still continue to quilt with my "Quilt ladies" every Wednesday afternoon. We have finished many quilts in our 22 years of sewing and quilting, along with many stories and laughs on the way!
Thank you for letting me share my story with you. Yes, quilting has helped me to "hang in there", stay strong, and go on with my life.
Sally Steinbach, Doylestown, Pennsylvania
I went through a "surprise" divorce in 1998/99. I was at the very least devastated. It was during a time that I had been diagnosed with a chronic illness and had little means of supporting myself and my 16 year old son. Plus, the announcement was made 9 days after my 40th birthday and 1 week before Christmas. All I did was cry. (Okay, my whining is complete!) I had been working happily on a block of the month, and had about 3 or 4 left to complete the year. As soon as I was in the middle of the shock I couldn't do anything. No TV, no radio, no sewing. I was literally numb. Thank God I began to attend church after so many years and started to heal. Many months later after the divorce was final I picked it up again. I had a new beau I had met at church, and he was interested in my quilt work. I finished the quilt top, and he and I pinned it out in the church basement. I hand quilted it in 2002 after I remarried and it won a blue ribbon at the county fair that summer. God has a way of turning things around!!
Cindy Garcia
Ten years ago, my mother lay in a hospital bed, waiting to die. My dad spent every day, all day, at the hospital with my mom. I had the night shift. I brought my quilting (and a magnifying lamp), set up a cot and slept every night with her… talking with her - with no response - and praying while quilting. When the day came when she passed away, I folded my quilt up, put it away, and have never touched it since. I guess to me, it'll always remind me of the sadness and helplessness I felt during that time. I have thought of finishing it for my Dad, who's now 86 and quite healthy, but can't seem to do it. That project served its purpose well, I guess, so I'll let it lay around. Thanks for letting me air my feelings. Sharon Lozano